Running to or from?

Several months ago the Tri-Town Council offered a film and program entitled, The Race to Nowhere, about students being pushed to the brink by parents trying to do what’s best for them. We start children in classes shortly after their birth and are convinced that they need to participate in every possible activity to become a well-rounded child and better functioning adult. I’ve met these same kids as adults and I’m not convinced it is working for them – or us.

This has me wondering - do we immerse ourselves in projects and activities to truly enrich ourselves and others, or do these events give us a false sense of security due to their routine and constant scheduling? Ever try to make dinner arrangements with a friend only to find your schedules can never coincide? What about planning a date night with your partner, always putting it off because other events get in the way? And do we really need to carry around calendars for our children in addition to ourselves?

Stop the insanity! I assure you that Johnny and Sally will be fine if you decrease their afterschool activities. They will still get into a good college without softball, hockey, Girl Scouts, swimming, acting, etc.! The more important concerns might be how will they be able to succeed in college and secure a job after we have done so many things along the way to make it easier for them?

We get cell phones for young children without realizing that we are actually hindering their communication skills and ability to make their own choices. They use phones to text each other instead of talking, even when sitting in the same room. If texting is how they communicate, how will they be able to resolve concerns in the workplace or in their relationships?

It doesn't make us bad people to just sit and watch a movie now and then. Parents don't recognize who they are once their kids leave home because so much has been focused on their children at their own expense. Who are you and what are your hopes and dreams? Are you setting time aside for YOU, too? Constant scheduling doesn't do anyone any good.

Let’s all slow down and smell the roses. Go for a leisurely stroll. Watch a sunset. Color outside of the lines or play a board game with your kids. Don’t let technology and society blind you from what is truly most important. Life is a gift to savor, not a race. Make your experiences count and help your kids open their eyes to a world that is far from perfect. Teach them to care for others and how to communicate in person. Although technology is helpful, there is no replacement for talking to a live person (heck, anyone who has had to call a business knows that!). Value what is truly important – people, not material goods, wealth, or constant motion. To quote a wise, young Ferris Bueller, “Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it!”

Peace, Love, & Inspiration

Like all of you, if someone asked me to watch a 25 minute You Tube clip, I would probably apologize & say I was too busy. Or pretend to have watched it & just give it a thumbs up on Facebook. Yet sometimes ideas & messages come from the most unusual sources, making us step outside of our comfort zone for a reason.

One of the students I've assisted at North Shore Community College is a man in his mid-thirties who has not led an easy life. Drug addiction, homelessness, & incarceration are just a few of the challenges he has tackled. His toughness is apparent on the exterior. However, after getting to know him over the past year, I am reminded that it is what's on the inside that truly counts. He has taught me much & continues to be a source of inspiration, knowing that it is never too late to fulfill your goals & dreams. True philosophers & messengers don't always have a halo.

With all of his problems, he still dreams of a world where people are kind to one another & where the power of positive thinking leaves us limitless in what we can achieve. Imagine lessening violent crime by collectively sending out positive thoughts & love into the universe. Or changing your future for the better because you choose to look on the positive side with love in your heart instead of letting negative emotions overtake you.

You've all heard the expression, "You get what you give". Isn't it time to give out good vibes & receive good vibes in return? Just think of all we can accomplish together!

Please consider checking out this beautifully produced video entitled, 2012 - A Message of Hope, recommended by my enlightened student & friend. You won't believe how powerful our hearts are until you watch this. Yes, it is definitely worth 25 minutes of your life. Consider it your meditation for the week. The energy you devote to it will make our world a better place because the power of love & positive thoughts is unstoppable.

Are You Having Fun Yet? A "Yummers" Adventure

We're all so busy. Running here, running there. Sometimes the passing weeks feel like one big errand. Time to get some fun into your life & remember why we're here. Trust me - it's not for food shopping, paying bills, & transporting kids.

Last weekend, I allowed myself to be spoiled. My family & I went on an adventure to find the best chocolate on the North Shore. No errands, just a cocoa quest with a $5 limit at each location. We started at adorable & delicious Pride's Crossing Confections in Beverly (we highly recommend the turtles & salted dark chocolate caramels) then drove to luscious Turtle Alley in Gloucester. Their motto was especially appealing..."Life is short. Sin a little." And sin we did. We started with the King (appropriate for our quest, we thought) - a peanut butter cup filled with bacon, smoked salt, & chopped peanuts. Wow! And even though it wasn't chocolate, we had to try the fleur de sel ancho chile caramel (gooey caramel with a little spice & heat at the end). So good we had to go overbudget here & buy several more to bring home. What are you waiting for? Grab your coat & go!

Next we decided to walk off some of the calories & explore Bear Skin Neck in Rockport. We were excited to find banana Turkish Taffy at the Country Store. Remember these? You slam the taffy on the counter (with the wrapper on!) & it breaks into smaller pieces. What a great way to relieve stress & connect with the child in you! I knew I was on this quest for a reason.

After the candy, we needed some real food, of course. That's when Top Dog caught our eye. My husband had the Shaggy Dog (a hot dog with BBQ & coleslaw), my son the Golden Retriever (one topped with mac & cheese!), and I had the Bad Dog (one with bacon, cheese, & grilled onions). I really liked being "bad." Delish & definitely worth a road trip!

After more shop perusing, Tuck's Candies was next with us sampling their light & airy Swiss chocolates. Mmmmm! Then on the way home, we made one last stop at Nichols Candies in Gloucester, with their chocolate covered honeycomb chips & Needhams being just what we needed to help us tackle the challenges of the week ahead. The Needhams are thin caramel discs topped with chocolate & jimmies. Yummers!

Just like the great kids' book with the same name, our day was truly Yummers! My son thought I lost my mind suggesting this unique crusade, but he loved it. My husband is used to my crazy ideas & helped come up with the stops. Isn't it time for your own Yummers adventure? Just a small bite of a few chocolates at each location - it 's fun to share & compare. I don't think we truly discovered one favorite - we might just have to go again to be sure, adding in some new locations along the way! Or maybe we'll try ice cream next. So much to choose from & so little time. Now these are errands I can get used to! Enjoy!

The People We Meet

Recently, my son asked if I thought everything happened for a reason. Soda spilling, staining my shirt, and the printer running out of ink - not so much. But people meeting and interacting with each other - yes, I think we're on to something.

People come into our lives for a reason. And each of us has a purpose. A neat example of this can be found in the movie, "Lady in the Water" by M. Night Shyamalan. OK - so he's had a bad rap lately for making some less than memorable films - and some may think this one is not his best. However, it really touches on people coming together and serving a purpose. People who otherwise really have no reason to come together. Shyamalan used to tell this story to his kids at bedtime. It involves several people who live in the same apartment complex. Although the concept is a bit out there - it can really help those of us wrestling with less than perfect colleagues, relatives or aquaintances in our lives. Sometimes there is really more than meets the eye or what can be immediately felt or described.

Maybe your grouchy and gym-fascinated boss might be the "guardian". Or the child who never does her homework and only seems to dream about fairies and butterflies could be the "healer." And your crossword puzzle-obsessed, critical mother could be the "interpreter". The point is maybe we need to try harder to see past the traits we find offending or off-putting in order to see the bigger picture or purpose.

Thank goodness for those who aren't afraid to tackle danger (even if we consider their decisions sometimes rash) - else what would happen when there was a fire or crime? We'd have no books and movies if it weren't for those with incredible imaginations (who probably take hours just to pick out their clothes each morning!). And where would we be without our friends who naturally seem to "get" us and all of our own crazy hang-ups - those we hand-select to be part of our family.

So the next time people are driving you crazy and you can't seem to find a balance, you might check out "Lady in the Water" and daydream for a bit. People do come together for a greater good, even in simple everyday circumstances. It may not always be noticed - but it happens. Here's to paying attention to the little good deeds in our day that matter and have the ability to change the world...one person at a time.

Let the Adventures Begin!

Tired of being stuck inside all winter? Spring is finally here! Time to get outdoors, stretch, and begin exploring. So much to do and so little time! I recall reading an entry in one of the "Chicken Soup for the Soul" books about a teenage boy who made a Life's To Do list. He wanted to ride a camel, visit a rainforest, climb a mountain, learn to ski, visit many different countries, learn new languages, and so much more. And can you believe he actually accomplished most of them? His list had over 200 tasks, most of which would seem crazy to many of us. But he did them - and so can you.

Start today and make a list of just three places you'd like to visit or goals to set for yourself. Suggest one very reasonable, one in the middle, and one a bit far-fetched. Keep it on a post-it note in your planner or next to your bed. And try to make at least one happen by the end of the summer. Why not set-up a picnic in your living room this weekend and list places to visit with your partner or family and friends this summer? Spread a blanket, maybe buy a bucket of KFC or other fun picnic fare, & have popsicles for dessert!

To help you, I'm very excited to include the link to my most extensive Fun Local Adventures ideas yet! From walking in a forest with deer, to golfing in the dark, to adorable country stores, to an enormous trampoline, to drinking beer from a glass a yard long, there is something in here for everyone. It also includes ideas on how to connect with your teens or re-connect with your partner in addition to numerous kids' activities, too. Use it as a starting point to plan some fun days out. When kids get involved in the planning, it really helps them enjoy it more, too. Couples benefit in numerous ways when planning together - get ready for some romance as you dream about an exotic trip to the South Pacific and other destinations!

The list I've mentioned includes all of the links to the places listed, which saves you time. Click on the link and see if it is for you. I've tried to suggest less popular places and combined several sites in the same area, giving you ideas for Sunday drives, time out with those independent toddlers or teens, or a romantic evening at home. Please share the list with your friends! I will continue to update it and add some farther away destinations such as Niagara Falls and Baltimore, MD in May. So check back! We've been fortunate to visit all of the places on the list. I welcome your feedback, questions, and ideas.

The world is your oyster, my friends. Crack it open, grab the pearl, and never let go! Your future is full of possibilities. Open your mind, dive in, and give them a try!

Making It Count!

During the presentation on laughter at the Reading Library, I ended by reciting from "Paradox of our Times," attributed to George Carlin but actually written by Dr. Bob Moorehead. One of the lines really resonates: "We've learned how to make a living but not a life; we've added years to life, not life to years." What do you think? Do you make a living or a life? Is there truly life in your years or are you just passing time, completing your next task?

Life is stressful and certainly not easy. I'm sure we all would try to really "live" if we only had the time. But with all of today's conveniences, one has to wonder how far we've come from our ancestors. I can't imagine growing up without indoor plumbing or electricity or even a cell phone, for that matter. How about going for groceries by horse and buggy? While life is still far from perfect in 2011, we certainly have it better than our ancestors did.

But how far have you really come? We may only get one chance on this earth - are you "making it count" as Jack Dawson (Leo DiCaprio) toasted in Titanic, the movie? His character had spirit and insight that energized you, and many of us immediately fell in love with him or rather what he represented - love of life.

You find your center once you understand what is truly important in life. You learn to let go more easily and give more deeply. You don't need long-term therapy or medicine to make this happen. This is why I created Ever After. Although people visit with me to examine a particular concern, we also focus on discovering who they are - on making it count and making a life. Take some time to examine what is important to you, your family or friends. You may be surprised at the outcome. When you remember you only go around once, your priorities change.

I am especially excited about adding several "Themed Visits" to Ever After's repertoire, including Fairy Godmother (for parents wanting to consult about their kids); Sleeping Beauty (for the shy or reserved hoping to awaken their passion & path); Put Me in, Coach! (for those feeling pressured to always score in life, wanting to learn skills to ease fear, doubt, or anxiety); and Little Red in the Hood (for the rebels hoping to reconnect with parents or even themselves). These sessions focus on a particular concern with personalized suggestions on how to improve it as well as help you discover your center and purpose. No meds, no diagnosis, no long-term therapy, no stigma attached for asking for help - just empowerment, compassion, sanctuary, and inspiration. Very unconventional in 2011! Now that is living!

Laugh for Health's Sake!

Laughter truly is life's best medicine. From releasing endorphins (natural painkillers) to improving blood flow to relaxing muscles and even easing anxiety and fear, there is nothing like a good laugh to make you feel better. Kids somehow already know this and master laughter pretty well. They laugh at things most adults roll their eyes at or try to stifle so they can remain an "adult". But I've got to ask - is that really working for us wiser and older individuals?

There is something to be said about finding the humor in bad situations. It doesn't take away the pain of the event but it certainly helps us cope and face the days ahead. When facing a tough week, consider flipping in a mindless, silly movie into your DVD player before you go to bed. Something with Mel Brooks, Monty Python, Eddie Murphy, or Will Ferrell - you get the picture. And allow yourself to actually laugh out loud, not just on the inside. Then see how you feel in the morning.

That's the thing - when we write LOL or LMAO after our Facebook posts or texts, how many of us are really laughing aloud? You're probably like me in that we smile then go on to the next structured part of our day. Now, I'm not saying to act like a lunatic at work laughing hysterically in your cubicle so everyone in the office will be thinking you need medical attention. But I am asking to truly consider laughing aloud several times within your day because it is truly GOOD for you!

We're going to have some fun on this Tuesday night at the Reading Public Library with my talk all about laughter, including funny video clips. I truly hope you'll join us. There is nothing like a laugh from down deep inside to lighten life's load. Here's a sample of something totally ridiculous to get you on the track to feeling better and reducing the stress we all feel in life. Hope you can take just under 2 minutes out of your day and hopefully laugh aloud with this PG-13 clip!