Life is difficult. Failure, at times, is a certainty. We've all struck out when bases were loaded, sang the wrong words to a song, didn't get the job, or waited for a call that never came. Yet experiencing failure is what makes us able to tackle anxiety and learn that even though we failed, it was not the end of the world. "I'm still standing," sang a wise Elton John. You will not get every job or accolade in life. The person you have eyes for may not have eyes for you. And you most likely will not stay in the same career or relationship (including getting along with all of your relatives, not just your partner) for your entire life. So why spend every day trying to have the perfect life and family when it is not how life is supposed to be lived? When you realize this and lower your expectations a bit, anxiety often dissipates, too.
People with the best coping skills have experienced trouble and learned they can get through it - on their own. Yes, we long for a comforting shoulder or ear to listen to us, but we want to be the one who ultimately solves the problem. When parents or others try to take over, the result can be depression, making us think that we are incapable of doing things on our own without someone else intervening on our behalf. Allow your child to learn from mistakes without trying to prevent them from happening all the time. The phrase "Epic fail!" was developed for a reason. Just pick yourself up and try again. The more you do, the less anxious you will feel.
So be prepared to fail once in a while and be ok with it. Your nerves will thank you for it. Trying again is the key. Kids are born resilient and they will develop into resilient adults if parents let them. Don't breed anxiety and depression by trying to prevent what is a crucial part of life.
To read more on this topic, including how overparenting can lead to anxiety and depression for the entire family, check out the article, "A Nation of Wimps" in Psychology Today.
