Holiday Traditions - Old and New

Often the best part of the holidays are the traditions you establish with family and friends. Cookies you make, car trips in your pajamas and bathrobe to see Christmas lights, watching movies together, and games you play are the true magic of the season. Heck, I used to look forward to taking DOWN our Christmas tree with my family growing up because that night we always ordered whatever Chinese food we desired. It was something to look forward to after a sad and dull task. The date doesn't matter -- it is what we do with others that creates the most special memories that touch the heart.

When loved ones pass on, holidays can change but the traditions still remain. Missing your mother or father's special holiday culinary creations? Why not try to recreate one or two with other family members? Of course it may never quite taste the same, but the time and effort you spend channeling those we love and honoring traditions they taught you, is what really matters. Play music that reminds you of them. Yes, you may cry, but you will most likely smile afterwards thinking of a funny event that happened years ago. Put out a special holiday candle, just for them. Tell your kids and grandkids stories of holidays past. Donate items in their memory - maybe dog and cat toys to a local shelter or snacks to a homeless shelter right before a big game on tv. Place an ornament on your tree in their memory. These are the ways you keep your loved ones with you and new traditions are born.

Traditions are what are handed down and what we make on our own. If your family and friends lack interesting and fun traditions, create new ones. They don't have to be perfect like a Hallmark card. The best ones are far from that. Strive to be yourselves and not stress. The best times are simple and often just happen. Ask for ideas -- even from the younger ones in your circle. Maybe you'll have an M&M buffet or fall asleep in front of the tv watching a marathon of cheesy holiday specials. Or you'll volunteer your time in honor of your loved one and smile up to the heavens - noting this one's for you! Physically gone but never forgotten. Until we all meet again.

May you feel the warmth this holiday season and know you are not alone. The love of family and friends, past and present, never goes away.

The Key to Happiness

And so it begins...Thanksgiving, Hanukkah, Christmas, and more. I know we got an extra hour of sleep when we turned the clocks back - but really? I'm not ready for this! How about ten more hours of sleep and a few days off from the world? We could all use this, right? As I prepare my holiday shopping gift list, I am reminded of gifts that cost the least but mean the most.

Last year, my husband and son got me a key to our home that was bright green with dragon flies on it. You see, every night when I came home, I had two keys that looked the same and I had trouble telling them apart. They solved my griping with a beautiful key that stands out on my keyring. Most importantly, every time I use it, I am reminded not only of my family but of how lucky I am to have a home. It is my moment of bliss before I enter -- and it reminds me to be thankful for what I have in life.

All too often we take what we have for granted. We complain and want other things. The key to happiness is being thankful for what you have and those you have in your life. It is the little things - like a hug before you leave, a reassuring smile, and a laugh when the pressure gets a bit too much. It is a piece of chocolate during a hectic day. Or thinking of a loved one who has passed on and knowing what he/she would say over something funny that happened today. It is listening to your favorite song and getting your groove on. And it is tucking yourself in at night with the hope for a better tomorrow.

Need that perfect present for the person who has everything? Buy them a colorful key that will unlock the door to happiness. The things that cost the least often mean the most. Here's hoping everyone will keep this in mind during the upcoming holiday season.

For more on meaningful giving, you're invited to my free talk at the Flint Public Library in Middleton on Thursday, December 1st from 1pm-2pm, entitled "Celebrating the Joy of Giving". Hope to see you there!

Once Upon a Time...

Fairy tales seem to be the buzz this television season with two new shows aimed at adults airing this week. I have to admit, I really enjoyed watching "Once Upon a Time" at 8pm on ABC Sunday night and I'm really looking forward to "Grimm" on NBC at 9pm Friday night. Both combine fantasy and reality using popular fairy tale characters.

Interesting that fairy tales were invented as a way to teach a lesson and warn children about poor behavior (if you don't stay on the path and go straight to Grandma's, something bad will happen to you) and originally were very graphic and dark. Even many of Disney's stories are relatively unsettling (think of how many parental figures die in their movies - "The Lion King", "Bambi", "Finding Nemo", etc). As an adult, I watch these films and shudder - I was horrified at what happened to poor Nemo's mother! But kids don't seem to notice too much because resilience and self-reliance is the main theme. If only life were that easy. The important thing is that many of these tales give us hope, something to hold onto in our darkest hour.

Empowering kids and ourselves makes a difference. There are many days that I have to be reminded, "You can do this!" because everything can be so overwhelming. I wish I had a magical fairy buzzing in my ear giving me hints on how to succeed, words of encouragement, and maybe make me a fabulous outfit or two. Instead, we rely on family, friends, and even therapists for reassurance.

Our fast-paced world can gobble you up and spit you out in five seconds - if you let it. The key is to view your life as a tale - know when your being pursued by the Big Bad Wolf (for example, your boss) and figure out how to outsmart him/her or move on, just like you learned when you were younger. I make it a habit to read childrens' books as an adult, especially when I need a little inspiration, and I often recommend them to my clients. We all have time for a five-minute story. Viewing your life from a different perspective and knowing when you need to journey to the next new chapter is a smart way to stay sane.

Situations may not always end as we may have wanted - but consider these the end to a chapter in your life and begin the next part of your story. Don't give up hope -- Prince or Princess Charming may be right around the corner (and may even have a familiar face). May your Ever After be happy yet and full of possibilities.

Celebrating Our Spectacular Senses

As we age, we tend to try to seek out what is more important in life and put smaller issues aside. Although chocolate is near the top of my list as to ways to get through the trials and tribulations of life, so are companions that light your way and anything that evokes your senses in a positive way. As I approach my 45th birthday, I hope to let my senses, including intution, lead the way in the next phase of my life.

Who in your life do you enjoy being around? Savor old friendships but be open to new ones. Companions who ease a heavy heart with a kind word, reassuring smile, and hug are essential. The power of touch is undeniable – hold hands as often as you can! (OK - not with your boss - but I think you get the point.) Seek out others who light your path and keep them in your life. And when you get that feeling that you've known someone longer than you actually have - try to spend a bit more time with that person. They are most likely in your life for a reason.

Surround yourself with wonderful smells that evoke memories of good times. Hate your commute? Fill your car with a fantastic scent and listen to your favorite songs to soothe the soul and free the mind. Singing aloud to “Defying Gravity”, “Boogie Woogie Shoes”, and “Bohemian Rhapsody” can change a bad mood into good – I know – I’ve tried it. Use soap or anti-bac hand gels with scents that make you smile. Heck - I even brought my favorite yummy smelling soap to the bathroom at work to relax me when taking a break. Consider a calming scent like lavender vanilla to spray on your bed sheets to ensure sweet dreams throughout the night.

Explore sights that inspire and make you think – stop to look at a sunset or sky filled with stars. If you’ve always wanted to see the Eiffel Tower in person, start to save and plan for it. Even putting a few dollars aside each week can add up over time. Changing the backdrop is a great way to get out of a funk. Take a drive and open your mind to new possibilities – view your life from a different angle. Take a chance and go on a new adventure!

And that brings us to taste – savor the splendors that life has to offer. An apple from a local orchard, fresh baked bread, stinky cheese, a great glass of wine, and don’t even get me started on ice cream and chocolate. Looks like we always end back at where we started – chocolate. I think you’ve figured out how I’ll be celebrating my birthday this year!

September - the month that celebrates our organized Virgo friends, back to school and routine, and the beginning of autumn. We enjoy some wonderful cool and sunny days, trying to sneak in some late summer fun before the New England weather suggests otherwise. Here are some ideas to help ease back to school and work without feeling like you're giving up too much.

How about a canoe or kayak ride on the Ipswich River (Foote Brothers) or taking a hike to find a "treasure" stamp (letterboxing)? Go apple-picking and make a homemade pie. After homework is done, venture over to Richardson's at Jordan's Furniture in Reading, swing on the trapeeze, and try a back-to-school peanut butter and jelly frappe. There is still time to play skee-ball and enjoy a chop suey sandwich at the Salem Willows or visit a zoo to bring out the animal in you (Capron Park-especially great for little ones or Roger Williams). After sneaking a peek at the foliage, enjoy dinner in a jail cell at Margaritas restaurant in Concord, NH. Taking time to explore or try something new helps renew your spirit while getting you back into the swing of things. For more ideas and detail on what I just mentioned, click here to visit my recently updated webpage with over 200 ideas for things to do.

If your kids are having a hard time adjusting to school, spending time with them makes a difference. Eat dinner together. Go for a ride and chat along the way. When talking is not their thing, try one or two of the activities on the list to get you out and active together. Imagine your teen's face when you suggest going indoor skydiving together!

For tweens and teens who could use a boost to their self-confidence, I'm offering group workshops limited to just four participants at a time. In four 90-minute sessions, we'll discover talents and strengths, learn how to make and keep worthy friends, improve current relationships, and explore esteem-building activities. Days and times of the groups will depend on the participants' schedules. Contact me to learn more.

May your transition to fall be easier than you thought. Enjoy the crisp air and autumn colors, and be sure to take some time for you!

Ever After Counseling & Wellness Now Open

Imagine a hideaway with walls painted the color "peace and happiness" and a bright blue ceiling filled with clouds and stars. As you sit on the comfy couch amidst stained glass lighting, your eyes are drawn to the butterflies on the windows that lead to a beautiful green landscape backdrop. A tiny stove in the corner warms your heart with its glowing flame. Hot coffee, tea, cocoa with whipped cream (of course), biscotti, or even a frozen candy bar await as the perfect treat. Here in this sanctuary, you can allay your fears, share your hopes and dreams, and ignite your spirit to explore a world filled with possibilities.

I am thrilled to announce the grand opening of "Ever After Counseling and Wellness" on Route 62 in Middleton, MA. After 15 years of dreaming about creating just the right soothing environment that my clients deserve, it is finally a reality. Come relax and catch your breath at an upcoming Open House (dates TBA) or private appointment.

In additional to personal counseling/coaching, this fall, I'll be offering new small group sessions including "Sleeping Beauty" for tweens and teens to improve self-confidence; "A Better 9 to 5" to inspire those unhappy in their job or unemployed; and other encouraging workshops. And due to popular request, I will continue to offer Coaching Card Readings and Parties as a fun way to gain insight and get motivated, especially with a group of friends.

Thank you for your kind support and encouragement over the years and for helping make my dream come true. It is my hope that Ever After will help spark the "happily" back into the lives of so many that deserve it. Thanks for helping to spread the word!

Angels Among Us - Healing Grief

My heart aches and I feel hollow inside. My mind wanders and I'm exhausted from doing nothing. The world keeps going on around me and it is difficult to just keep up. Grief. Never easy.

My 91 year-old grandmother, who helped to raise me while my parents worked, passed away in late June. She had been ill and lived a long life - but still, how do you say goodbye to someone with whom you've had a profound connection your entire life?

I agreed to have a table at the Danvers Family Festival on June 25th to advertise Ever After. I had to give up my sister-in-law's baby shower in Connecticut that day because I had already committed to be at the festival and I wasn't happy about that. I sat in the rain-soaked field with my dear friend, Jeanne, wondering why we were there with so few people. It seemed like such a waste of time.

On the way home, I decided to stop by my parents' home to visit my grandmother. A short time later, with many of our family around her including my son, my grandmother left this world for the next. After some thought, I was grateful for having been there instead of Connecticut, feeling things do happen for a reason.

The day after her funeral, my family headed to a pre-planned vacation to Tennessee and Dollywood. Crazy timing, but since it couldn't be changed, we decided to forge ahead and go. We stopped at a Jack-in-the-Box (remember those?) for lunch. While I was telling my son a story of how I got suspended in 8th grade for going to the Jack-in-the-Box across the street from the school for French fries, he laughed. An elderly lady in line in front of us was so taken by my son that she kept on talking to him. She even went on to give him a hug and can you believe a dollar bill before she left? While here in the north, we probably would consider her quite odd and try to pull our child away, her heart-warming nature was just what we needed. "She's an angel, Mom, sent by Nani Jay to remind us that she loves us. She even gave me money like Nani Jay used to do all the time before our trips." His great big smile proved it just had to be true.

Angels exist and things do happen for a reason. Kindness and compassion makes a difference. May you find comfort in the little things that make sense to you and know that you are far from alone in this world. Thank you, Nani Jay, for making me into the person I am and teaching me never to settle for the easy way out. You will continue to light our way in the days ahead.